No Common Ground to Start From
by Clarisse Renaldi
Summary: Clarisse thinks they have no future with her Head of Security, because they have no common ground to start from...
1. Chapter 1

**No Common Ground to Start From**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the characters.

**Author's Note:** Hi Girls! This is my new story, I hope you will like it and I'm sending a big hug to Rach, who did the beta thing extremely fast. Thanks dear.

"You say that we've got nothing in common?!" asked Joseph unbelievingly standing now in the cold ballroom of the consulate. "That we have no… common ground to start from?... And we will fall apart?"

"Yes," Clarisse sighed heavily and turned away. "We have no future Joseph, you must understand this. So it's better if we're over now."

"I cannot believe it!" cried Joseph on the edge of madness. "Then why did you give me hope? Why did you let me kiss you?"

"It wasn't intentional," she murmured. "I just forgot about myself for a moment."

"Clarisse, please you cannot do this now..."

"The world has come between us Joseph… Our LIVES have come between us…" she said slowly with glassy eyes. "We cannot continue this." Her voice was barely audible.

"Just give me a rational reason!" He grabbed her arm now, trying to make her turn around. "Please!"

"You know that we have no common ground to start from…"

"And?! What different does that make?"

"It's important Joseph," she said and turned to face him. "Most people would not accept this between us."

"But you always said you just don't care!"

"Well it's a different thing when you have to take a stand on something and when you are in a concrete situation. And although I say it has no importance in real life's relationships, in my position this is just about the only thing that is important."

"Like when Rupert chose you?"

"Exactly." She nodded. "He would never have laid and eye on me – I wish he had never done it," she whispered and closed her eyes for a moment. "If I had come from 'outside the circle'."

"You cannot mean that."

"Right, maybe he would have, but you must understand that royal life has strict rules, you cannot live as you want. And it's even harder when you are a woman."

"But you are widowed now, you already fulfilled your duties, it's different."

"Maybe the rules are loosened… but we have no chance, Joseph." Her eyes were sad and disillusioned.

"I'm sure they would accept this."

"Never." She shook her head. "I know how cruel and strict a whole country can be if it's about the monarchy and traditions. They do not accept anything other than what they expect from us. Please leave me and… and try to find someone else. A woman who is less complicated, and who will love you as much as you deserve." Saying this was harder than she has ever imagined.

"I do not want anyone else, why don't you understand this? Clarisse…" His voice was only a whisper as he stepped closer. "You love me…"

"It's not important." She shook her head with resignation. "Love is nothing in my life."

"Then… Then we would keep it in secret." Joseph was desperate now. "No-one has to know it. I won't even speak to you in public if you want, just… just give a chance to us. Please…"

"I'm sorry Joseph." She sighed and stroked his arm as she passed him.

To be continued…


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

**Author's Note:** First I'm sending a usual big hug to Rach for doing the beta work. Thanks dear. And now I wanna say thanks to all of you your fantastic reviews! Namely to Tommys My 21, OSUSprinks, Zsulie, bluegirl-783, VictoriaGrant, Vluy, negschainshaw, Kristi-Julie, One Special Lana, LoveHateHero, Firing Rockets on Dragons, AlternativeRocker, dearjenna, risingdancer and to my Ursa.

"I'm sorry Joseph." She sighed and stroked his arm as she passed him.

He was not able to move.

Although he wanted to stop her, wanted to grab her arm and say something… anything that could make her change her mind, he just stood there in silence, exactly as she had left him. He still felt her burning touch on his arm, her perfume in the air, while his mind desperately tried to find something to help with this hell in his heart, but he felt nothing except desperation and heart-break. His thoughts were running rapidly through his head, but one moment repeated itself in the madness over and over again. The moment when he had kissed her…

They stopped dancing shortly after the music died, but remained in each others arms for a few moments. Her hand was in his, while her body was still pressed against his own. It was like time had stopped. Her eyes simply mesmerized him and he knew if he did not kiss her right now, he wouldn't be so brave next time, so he leant closer and gently, barely daring to touch her, he kissed her on the lips… She reacted immediately. As his lips covered hers, Clarisse drew him closer and deepened the kiss. Her kisses were hungry and yearning, almost pretentious, while they pressed their bodies even closer to each other.

It had not lasted more then a few moments when she woke up, tore herself away and she was standing there breathlessly. First she started apologizing, and within moments they were arguing.

Joseph was standing now all alone in the middle of the ballroom, surrounded by silence and cold.

What should he do now? He was at a loss. The only thing that seemed wise was waiting. Waiting for her to sleep a bit, then maybe she would change her mind. Or perhaps she would calm down a little and he wins her over then… because it never entered his head to give it up.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Next day, after Clarisse spent a busy afternoon with a few important guests she went back to her office to do some paperwork, which really could relax her most of the time. Actually, the office was her favorite place to hide during the day behind the excuse of paperwork. Joseph and she had barely seen each other in the last twenty-four hours, so Clarisse could save a little time. But only a little time, because shortly after five p.m. there was knock on her door.

"Come in," she answered automatically without even looking up.

"May I come in?" asked Joseph from the door, but he was already inside.

"Oh, yes… yes of course, Joseph." She was hesitating a little, but soon she collected herself again.

"I just popped in to check on you… I know you had a hectic day, so if you are in need of anything just, tell me." He was as caring as always.

"That's very kind of you." She smiled warmly, which gave Joseph the courage he needed. "But I'm fine with this cup of tea."

"Clarisse…," he started, but she cut him off.

"Would you like a cup of tea? Or some biscuits? They are really fine, I was just not hungry that's why they remained, not because they are bad or anything…" she was babbling.

"No thanks… I just wanted to talk to you about yesterday."

"To talk?" she asked. Her voice was somehow nervous, but fortunately Joseph did not realize it.

"Yes. You know…"

"Can we wait with this until tonight?" she asked quickly.

"Oh…"

"Because I have a lot of things to do. I'm in a rush with the paperwork, so it would be more appropriate in the evening… if that's not a problem for you."

"Oh, of course not." he answered with a smile, and felt much relieved. "Tonight will be perfect. I will wait for you in the garden."

"Thank you. That will be fine." She smiled and waited until he left the room, then she fell back on her chair. "Damn it!" she sighed frustrated, but she well knew – who saves time, saves life.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

The rest of the afternoon was uneventful. Joseph was much more relieved and looked forward to their meeting in an uplifted mood.

The night was quite warm, after all it was summer, and the air was heavy with the sweet scent of her flowers. Joseph paced up and down, trying to figure out what would be the best to say when she was standing in front of him. Time ran fast, so he barely noticed that he was waiting for her nearly one and half hours. It was strange, but not unusual, because she always found something urgent to manage, so he waited patiently. But the air turned chilly after a while and it started getting really late, so he decided he would check to see if she was alright.

First, he went to her office, and when he stepped in, everything was dark. Maybe she just popped up for a cardigan or something else, he though, so he went up to her suite. As he reached her door, without any warning it swung open and Charlotte came out with an absentminded smile on her face.

"Hi Charlotte. Is everything alright?"

"Oh Joe." She woke up from her own world. "Yes, yes of course. Her Majesty just fell asleep, so we can drink something if you want before Shades and I have to go to that new nightclub… But are you ok?"

"Uhm… no. I mean yes. Yes I'm fine… So you said she has fallen asleep?"

"Yes. She was so tired, that she barely could keep her eyes open."

"Oh…" he sighed, his voice somewhat sorrowful.

"Did you want something from her?"

"Just talk about… about security preparations."

"Ah!" She smiled, although he could not decide she believed him or not.

"But I can talk with her tomorrow, it's really not that important… So let's see to that drink," he said cheerfully, but his mind was far from calm.

OOOOOOOOOOO

After a few minutes of chatting he quickly got rid of Charlotte, not because he did not like her, he just needed time to think. And he could think only on his own, so he headed to the garden. Maybe the fresh night air would give him good advice. As he walked slowly on the main path next to the building he stopped and looked up to the windows. Her room was right above the big cherry tree, and its windows were dark, confirming that she was really in bed already.

But was she really that tired? He knew how much she could work; actually she was a typical workaholic, but she was too cheerful, too easy about their meeting, and that was not a good sign.

But he could not do anything other than wait, so he headed back inside and went to sleep.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOO

The next day was nearly the same as the previous. He continually tried to catch her between meetings and appointments, but when they saw each other she just smiled with her usual 'queen smile' and hurried away. It was more than suspicious, so after she evaded him two more times, he played a sure hand now. He stood outside her door nearly two hours to finally catch her.

As soon as Mr. Montaz left her office, he was already knocking on her door.

"Come in," she said, unaware.

"Hello Clarisse," he started as he stepped in, when Clarisse literally jumped up from her seat and headed to the door, on the lam.

"Oh Joseph, I'm glad you popped in, but I'm already late from my next meeting. So if you will excuse me," she said with one breath and her hand was already on the doorknob, when Joseph stopped her.

"We were supposed to have had a meeting last night." His voice was meaningful and he kept eye contact with her. Her gaze was startled and desperate, but she wanted to fight until her last breath.

"Oh yes, Joseph. I was just awfully tired yesterday. So when I went up to change clothes I simply fell asleep on my bed." She smiled guiltily. "I know you were waiting for me, I'm sorry," she said and tried to leave again, but when she opened the door he pushed it back into place.

"You're running away from me," he said softly, standing only inches from her. There was silence. The only thing she could hear was his breathing, and what is more she could feel his warm breath on her neck. She simply froze for a moment. She was not able to move and felt shivers on her back as his warm breath smoothed her neckline. It was torture for her. Feeling him so close to her but doing nothing. This blackout held only a few moments - she pulled herself together quite quickly.

"That's nonsense," she replied, but was not convincing at all. She did not dare to turn to face him, so she spoke to the closed door.

"Yes, you're running…" he said in the same soft way as he touched her arm now, but unfortunately, it seemed this was a very bad move. At the moment he touched her arm, she twitched subconsciously and jumped away.

His touch was like an electric shock for her. From the outside, it looked like if she was sick of him, but it simply meant she was fighting against being so close to him. Her behavior changed also. She was not shy and weak anymore. She sprang to the attack. She needed to protect herself. Protect her mind from his effect… at whatever price.

"I think I am the best judge of what I'm doing or not doing," she said, holding her head up in frustration. "So if you will excuse me, I need to leave as I said. I'm sorry again that you waited for me for nothing but I won't spit on myself that I fell asleep instead of meeting you." She was really out of control now, her breathing was heavy and her heart was racing crazily.

"You were not tired at all," he said meaningfully, but still calmly. "You just did not want to meet me. That's why you rushed to your room and pretended to be tired in front of Charlotte… Clarisse…," he said and touched her again.

"Get your hands of me!" she cried and took one step away. "It does not matter what I say, you will think what you want!"

"Alright, but do you deny that you did not want to meet me yesterday?"

"Of course I do!" she said vehemently. "But now, I want to end this conversation. So if you will excuse me?" she asked and waited for him to let her out, but he did not move from the door. "Really Joseph, this is getting ridiculous now."

"I think what you are doing is ridiculous."

"What? Because I said there will be nothing between us and you CANNOT accept it?"

"The way you are running… running from yourself," he said and looked right in her eyes.

"That's enough!" she hissed and her voice was ordering now. "Get out of my way!"

"Or what?" asked Joseph challengingly.

"Or what?!... I will show you! GUARDS!" shouted Clarisse.

To be continued…


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3 **

**Author's Note:** I wanna say thanks to Rach for the extra fast work. And I'm sending a hug to each of you who left me a review. I don't know which review is I replied and which not, this message system is a bit still new for me, but now I say thanks to negschainshaw, OSUSprinks, majorienescio, Kristi-Julie, Vluy, Firing Rockets on Dragons, bluegirl-783 and to One Special Lana. I love you all. And I wanna send a special hug to my dearest Ursa, thank you dear. And just a quick note: This is a chapter for Lucy to cheer her up a bit.

"Or what?!... I will show you! GUARDS!" shouted Clarisse.

Her voice was strong and determined, and echoed long after she finished… Then there was silence. Total, deafening silence… They just stood there as if in a western movie, standing opposite, glaring at each other with distrust. Clarisse was angry and furious, while Joseph was calm, and that was far worse than anything else. It was simply irritating for her, she was even more furious than before.

Not long after she screamed, Shades and Lionel appeared in the doorway in full armor. They tried to get in at the same time, so they were nearly stuck in the doorframe.

"Is everything ok?" asked Shades breathlessly, checking the room from one corner to the other. "We heard screaming. Your Majesty?" he asked again. "Is there a problem?"

But Clarisse did not answer. She just turned to Joseph with a questioning look on her face. It was challenging and triumphant at the same time.

"No," Joseph answered shortly, holding her gaze for a moment. "There is no problem at all." He sighed and with a meaningful look, he left the room. Shades and Lionel stood there at a loss for what to do. They really had no idea what had happened.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Joseph's way led across the garden, trying to find some moments of peace. He was upset, but seeing her suffering was terrible for him, because he well knew that she would butcher herself over it and he could not do anything to stop it. It was like hell.

By choice he would have taken her into his arms, but even touching her was too dangerous, and after all this he had no chance to get close to her, so he was upset but not about her behavior, only about his helplessness. As hard as he tried to get close to her, she worked just as hard to push him away. It was a devil's circle and what is more it was ridiculous. He was the closest person in her life, but at the same time he could not have been further away from her. He knew he could get nearly any woman in the world, but the only one he was interested in was the most unreachable.

And that's why he should've felt unlucky about this, but strangely he was rather happy. Happy because he found the only woman who worth the fight, the only woman who could make him feel like this. Make him feel like anything is possible… But now, as much as he tried to get close to her, he felt he might lose her forever, which was terrifying. And to top it all off, he knew he couldn't control the situation, and that was the most difficult thing he could ever imagine. His whole life was about control. And now he was in a totally new field… on a battlefield, where he had no guns, no maps, not even a magic wand. Absolutely nothing. She was slipping through his fingers and he could not do anything to stop it.

Suddenly he felt dirty. He wanted to wash off, he needed to wash off the memory of this day, so he headed up to his room and almost tore up the bathroom door, where a few moments later the relaxing hot water started its job on his tired muscles…

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Clarisse felt nothing but emptiness… She was in a strange mental state, when someone can see the world from outside their body, as if they were dead already. Everything that surrounded her seemed so unreal. The lights, the shapes, the smells. And the worst of it was she felt so dizzy that she barely could walk, but this was far from everything. A strange humming silence wrapped her body, so she could barely hear anything from the outside world, while she was not able to think she did things automatically.

Her way on the long, dark staircase was slow. She took every step with force, forced her muscles to fulfill her orders. As she placed her hand on the doorknob the cold surface woke her up a little, but she had no intention to knock on the door, instead she stepped inside.

The room was dark, but not completely, a dim light made the furniture and the other things in the room visible, but it came not from the window. It came from a half opened door, a half opened bathroom door. Now she heard water flowing, a sound that had been there from the beginning, but she'd just recognized it somehow.

Everything was familiar, the dark bedspread on the bed, his black jacket on the wardrobe door… and the smell. His smell. This well known, overwhelming smell, which could drive her crazy and make her feel relaxed at the same time. She would have loved to climb in his bed and wrap herself with this warm, relaxing feeling, but instead she just sat down and picked up his shirt which was even more filled with him. The feeling of him.

Smelling his shirt, grabbing it desperately, was the last straw for her. Suddenly she was in real world again, realizing what the hell was she doing… But as she heard the water even louder she was in trance again. She must get closer, so she stood up and went to the bathroom door. The light was stronger as she pushed the door open and leaned against the doorframe. And there he was… a shadow on the glass, but it did not matter. She knew it was Joseph… her Joseph, the man who captured her heart before she could do anything against it, the man who always left her shaking, the man who always made those butterflies in her stomach… She has never known that this kind of a feeling could exist. A feeling that could force her to turn her back on her life. Yes, she knew if she could free this feeling inside, she could turn her life upside-down… for him, and it scared her. Scared her to death… But as she was fighting with her thoughts like this she did not realize that Joseph was already standing in front of her in a towel…

To be continued…


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

**Author's Note:** Hi Girls! So sorry about the delay. And now I'm sending my usual hug to Rach for doing the beta for me, thanks dear! And another hug to my faithful reviewers, namely to AlternativeRocker, One Special Lana, Kristi-Julie, bluegirl-783, risingdancer, my dearest Lucy, Vluy, Firing Rockets on Dragons, my dearest Ursa and to lady silverlune. Thanks girls! I love your reviews!

Joseph was standing there only with a towel around his waist, while the water drops were still falling from his body. He was not frightened or surprised, because he was quite ready of these situations with his job, and what is more, being so close to her was somehow natural for him. So her presence even in such a private place was not strange at all.

Clarisse slowly woke up from her own little world, but she did not say a word, just stood there and looked at him.

"Are you… are you ok?" He wanted to ask her what was she doing there, but seeing her so miserable confused him. "Clarisse… Please say something, are you ok?"

But she remained in silence only her gaze changed a bit. She was still focused on him but her eyes slowly filled up with tears. Then she started crying…

"Clarisse dar…" He suddenly stopped before he could say what he would wanted the most. "Clarisse, please say something, are you ok?"

"No." She finally answered, and started crying even harder. "No… I'm not."

"Just let me help you." He said softly, wanted to touch her but he rather changed his mind. "I would do anything to make you feel better. Please. How could I help you? Just tell me…" His voice was begging and tender at the same time, and it took its effect. She looked up at him and said something really shocking.

"Leave me."

"…Sorry?" He thought he may have misunderstood her.

"Please leave me..." No, he'd heard it clearly. She really wanted him to leave? It was like… it really pulled the rug out from under his feet.

"You want me to leave??"

"Just for a few weeks…," she said quickly as she caught his shocked and desperate expression. "I just need a little time to breathe. Please, I… I just cannot go on…" She was crying again.

After a long time of silence Joseph sighed with acquiescence. "Well… ok."

"Really?" Her voice was surprised and grateful. "Would you really do it?"

"Yes, I promise I will leave you for a few weeks, but just after we returned back to Genovia. It's only a couple of days."

"Thank you." She said relieved. "But… I think I could not wait until that."

"I will not let you go back alone. I…"

"We will go back tomorrow." She said quickly.

"Oh… right. If it's what you want."

"I just need a little time to think. Please understand me…" Her eyes were sad and teary, while she whispered, "I don't want to hurt you…"

"I know," he said softly, but this time he did not stop himself, he gently touched her arm and drew her to his embrace. And Clarisse… it was like a miracle but she did not push him away, she just snuggled up to him, clinging to him desperately. She closed her eyes for a few moments breathed in his warm and relaxing scent. Her heart was aching as she realized how good it felt to being in his arms, but she had to be strong so she slowly pulled away, her face more relaxed than a few minutes ago.

"Then..." She tried to say something, but could not find the right words, so she turned around instead and started to leave, when Joseph could not help himself.

"Clarisse…" He said, his voice made her turn around. "… I love you."

She just stood there for a brief moment, then started crying from frustration. "Thanks, you damn really helped me a lot now!" Her voice was reproachful before she left his room half running.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

The night went by quickly with preparations and packing. Joseph tried to arrange the journey, while Clarisse – for the first time in her life - packed her things into her suitcases on her own. She was so frustrated and restless that she preferred to pack alone rather than call someone to help her with it. Actually she needed something to keep herself occupied, otherwise she would have to think, and she really did not need any more pain in her life. After she finished, she just sat there on her bed waiting for dawn, waiting for freedom…

The plane took off in time, and she was finally a bit relieved. Leaving the United States so quickly was a shock for everybody, and it was even fodder for gossips. Most of the staff thought it was some kind of a reason of state, but in the end men agreed that the queen is simply a woman who can change her mind without reasons, while the female staff was not so light about this subject, they suspected more…

On board Genovia 1 traveled only the Queen, Charlotte, a small staff… and Joseph of course. He tried to sit as far away as he could, but not watching her was impossible, so it was not intentional, but his attention was rapt and not to mention, resting his eyes on her was marvelous…

About the separation he was sad of course, but on the other hand it was a satisfaction to know that she could relax a bit, and if it was what she needed the most he was ready to help her with whatever he could. Watching her like this was trouble-free, because she was pondering on the view… at least that was Joseph's opinion, but the truth was, she desperately tried to stay in the same position, because she felt his burning gaze on her shoulder. She did not see it, only felt. It was awfully uncomfortable, but at least it was safe. She knew until she won't turn to face him, she did not have to make contact. Any kind of contact, even a fake smile would have been too much for her at the moment. After a while she was quite used to her pose, because she did not realize that they already had landed and Joseph was deep in discussion with the pilot, even while she got into the limo. He pretended he was busy just to ease her, but it had not helped, it was even worse…

Seeing that Joseph was not 'caring about her' made her feel frightened and lonely. As if she would have already felt what it was like to be without him. She already felt this emptiness inside. As if she was completely alone in the world - but not like being on a desert island - she felt like she was standing alone at Christmastime downtown, while everybody is smiling and being with their loved ones, preparing for the holiday, buying presents, planning the big family dinner, while she is just standing alone in the crowd without a family, without someone who would wait for her at home, completely on her own… She felt this desperate loneliness, but she knew it would be better that way. Thinking on that she did not realize that the door had opened and her busy home life had started. She glanced at Joseph as she passed him by; turning her head to see him a bit more before she stepped into the palace. That was the last time she saw him.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Not long after they had arrived, Joseph was already packing his car…

"Hey Joe." Shades smiled, patting his back to catch his attention. "Are you going? We've just arrived…"

"Yeah, just a few more things, and I will disappear."

"Don't hurry that much. Come on, let's have a drink."

"I'm driving."

"Ok, then I will drink alone…" He smiled. "Come on."

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

In the kitchen…

"So…," started Shades. "What's this all about? I think it's not a reason of state or that kind of thing, it's simply about HER, am I right?"

"Yes." Joseph nodded and looked up at him with a sad expression.

"I knew." He Sighed. "So it's serious this time…"

"There's no word for that…"

"But what happened? There has to be a reason behind this…"

"Of course there is," Joseph said. "… I kissed her."

"What???" Shades was shocked, but in a good way. "Did you really kiss her? Finally!"

"Finally??"

"Yes. You already wasted too much time over the years… But what was wrong? Did she push you away or what?"

"Well, first she did not, but later…"

"Wait!" cried Shades. "She fired you??"

"No. Worse…"

"Worse? What could be worse?"

"She said we cannot continue this, because… we have no common ground to start from."

"What a bitch!" cried Shades.

"Oh no! Don't say that, she only worries about what people may think. She is really in a hard situation, and I understand it, but she would also need to move on, this is HER life."

"And YOURS," added Shades with a meaningful look. "You should move on too. Look I agree that she is beautiful and perfect in every way, but she is a bit too complicated, if you know what I mean. You cannot waste your life for her. There are many women outside who are crazy about you; I could name at least ten who would be happy if they could get you. And they are all pretty and lovely."

"But they are… not Clarisse," sighed Joseph.

"You can't be helped mate. This woman really makes you crazy, and I still cannot see why the hell she is so special? Why does she worth all this suffering?…"

"I don't know." Joseph sighed. "Maybe I'm crazy, but I've never ever felt like this before… You know, being with her –even if it's just a simple walk or a meeting where I have to stand at the door and my only prize is a smile from her to hold on to - is simply wonderful. Not to mention dancing or any other thing when she is really close to me, the only thing I can think on these times never letting her go. I need to feel her. I need to breathe her in."

"That's sexual attraction."

"No it's far more than that. First I thought the same. That it's pure attraction, but it's lasted for years now…"

"Because you could not get her."

"I would agree, if I wouldn't be happy… with anything."

"Anything???"

"I know it sounds mad, but over the years I realized that I just want to be with her, so nothing counts anymore. I mean I would accept any conditions. Any."

"You cannot be serious!"

"Yes I can." Joseph smiled. "Of course I want more. Frankly if I would have to choose between a night with her and dying the next day or live a long life I would choose the first one without hesitation, but I also know I would die a happy man if I could live the rest of my life just near her…" Joseph still smiled with a dreamy look on his face, but seeing Shades's shocked expression brought him back to Earth. "Oh, don't look at me that way! I know it's hard for you to understand what my problem is, because all you can see is I've reached everything I've ever dreamed of, career, money, position, but you must understand… it worth nothing without her."

"Then what are you going to do now?" asked Shades.

"I think the only thing I can do is wait. Wait for her to arrange this with herself, then I will see what's next. She loves me without a doubt so I will fight for her, but not with abrasiveness, rather with patience and persistence… and I want to show her how it would be our life together."

To be continued…


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5 **

**Author's Note:** First I'm sending a big hug to Rach of course, thanks dear! And another hug to each of you, my faithful reviewers: Kristi-Julie, Vluy, One Special Lana, bluegirl-783, Firing Rockets on Dragons, AlternativeRocker, risingdancer and my Ursa. Thanks girls!

"Have you… have you seen Joseph somewhere?" asked Clarisse clearing her throat as the last member of the council finally left her office.

"Yes, Your Majesty," Charlotte answered, looking up from her notebook. "He has already left the palace. I even saw his car a few minutes ago, leaving the north gate."

"Oh… I see," was Clarisse's short and disappointed answer, while she walked across the room and now looked out of the window. It was ridiculous but she hoped… maybe she could get a glance of his car. She knew he had gone minutes ago, but still… "Do you know where he was going?" asked Clarisse, then quickly continued. "Just because he did not mention anything about it. Just asked for a few weeks off and…you know."

"Of course." Charlotte tried to pretend that she had absolutely no idea about what's going on here. "He is not too talkative, but I think he mentioned he would go home, I mean to his house on the beach."

"Really?" Clarisse felt relief, but she could not give reason for it. "The beach is beautiful this time of the year, and he always works hard, so he really needs a holiday sometimes."

"Very true, Your Majesty." Charlotte smiled softly.

"I think that's all Charlotte, thank you."

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

As the door closed behind her assistant, Clarisse still stood there at the window. So he was gone…

It was strange, but she did not feel what she would have expected. She thought she will be relieved, somehow relaxed, but the only thing she felt was… she did not know what she felt, maybe a mixture of emptiness, fear and desperation, but she would have felt more! At least a slight good feeling, but nothing… It was not good. Nothing was good actually. But she knew she had to concentrate, she had to breathe normally, until this panic faded away… at least she hoped it would fade away.

Her first plan to combat her misery was a refreshing walk outside, maybe the flower scent and the colors of her garden would ease her nerves, but it was completely useless. Useless the same way as swimming in the pool, doing some embroidery, riding in the woods, reading a book from her favorite author and she even tried watching TV-what was really not her kind of thing-… but it was all the same.

She could not find her place. Her last desperate try was work therapy, but it was even worse than the others, because she really would have to concentrate this time, but after she made the same mistake for the third time, she gave it up and went to sleep instead.

Fortunately sleeping was relaxing, actually the only thing what could ease her exhausted mind, so running away from the real world seemed a good solution. First she slept as if someone had hit hear on the head, but after a while she started dreaming…

It was not a fantasy, neither something from her past… she was dreaming about the future, her future. She could not explain it, only knew it was a picture from her future.

In her dream she was lying on a towel on the beach, reading some magazine after swimming, while she enjoyed the warm light of the sun. But the sun was not the only warm feeling on her body, the other and much better thing was Joseph's hand. He just rested his arm on her back, then unknowingly started stroking her waist…

And that was the part when she always woke up with a smile on her face…

Her days were hectic and tiring, tiring about running away from her thoughts, while her sleep was full of pleasure and ease as she was lying there on the beach, knowing that everything was perfect… because he was there for her.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

She knew she needed him… yes, it was quite clear to her, but accepting it was awfully hard. This duplicity between her days and nights were tiring and relaxing at the same time. Tiring, because she often had mood swings, but also relaxing because of her sweet dreams and… and that was the most important thing, she could think. While she was with Joseph she was too busy resisting him, resisting his effect, she only protected herself and thinking was a luxury. But this time, when she was alone she could live through all of her feelings, good and bad, and it helped a lot. Not solving her problems, but making things clear… like she missed him. She missed him terribly. Not feeling him next to her, not touching him, not smelling him, not hearing him was killing her slowly and softly. But at least it was clear that not being with him would kill her sooner than any gossip or scandal about being with him. She needed to see him, just take a glance at him in secret… immediately.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

The weather was not gracious to her, the rain had started falling just after she left the palace…on foot. Or it was? Because of the stormy weather Clarisse could avoid the guards' attention, so after a few minutes she was already walking on the beach. It was not far away, but on the other hand it was long. Walking on the wet sand was hard, but she needed to get close to him desperately, so she continued her way without stopping, while the rain soaked her cloths and hair, but she did not care. She just needed to see him…

After nearly half hour of walking she finally caught sight of the lights from his window. Her heart was racing crazily as she came closer and closer to the house. Inside the room everything was bathed in light, giving a cozy feeling to everything. She could see the living room and even a part of the kitchen from where she was standing, and as she looked to the kitchen's direction she finally saw him… She was sticking to the cold window, soaking in the rain, and watching him living his life…it simply made her cry.

Seeing what she would miss broke her heart to pieces. Her hands were shaking while her sobbing became free now and that's why it caught Joseph's attention. He suddenly realized that someone is outside, and he knew it was her.

He immediately ran out, came round the house and now he was standing there face to face with her…

To be continued…


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

**Author's Note:** Hi Girls! Believe it or not, but I finished the story yesterday. Actually I found a song: Sam Phillips Love is Everywhere I Go (I used the lyrics), and while I was listening it over and over again I finished the story. So if you wanna enjoy this chapter fully you need the song. I sent it to those who have an email address, but if someone wants it just send me an email. And now I'm sending the usual big hug to Rach, who was extremely fast, thanks dear! And another hug to each of you for your lovely reviews, namely to CeeCh, One Special Lana, Vluy, negschainshaw, OSUSprinks, bluegirl-783 and to Firing Rockets on Dragons.

Joseph just stood there for a moment, slowly looking her from head to toe. She was so miserable and lost standing there in the rain that his heart was even more broken than before.

"I'm sorry… I'm so sorry, I shouldn't be here. "She murmured and wanted to run away when Joseph grabbed her arm and stopped her.

"Clarisse… Hey. Please stop. You're soaked. You cannot go anywhere like this. Come on, I will get you some towels… Please." He begged her softly, then she calmed down a little so he could take her inside.

She was already shaking when he closed the door behind them and rushed for a towel.

"Quickly," he said and covered her with it. "Here you are. It will be much better soon, believe me."

"Thank you," she whispered, trying to warm herself up a bit.

"I cannot understand how you could be soaked like this. You must have been here quite sometime… but I didn't hear your car," he said with one breath as he poured a glass of water and took out an Aspirin.

"I did not come in a car," she answered, accepting the Aspirin gratefully.

"What?" said Joseph, shocked. "I hope you don't mean to say that you came all the way on foot?"

"Alright, I won't say that."

"Clarisse…Oh my God!" Joseph was desperate now. "You could catch pneumonia."

"Come now. It was just summer rain, I will be ok."

"But you are shaking."

"Just a little bit…"

"Go and take a hot bath. That will help." He said and guided her towards the bathroom.

"Joseph, really…"

"Now! And I don't want to hear any comments. It's not a joke. Just go inside. And while you're in there, I will make you a cup of hot tea. Ok?"

Clarisse just stood there for a moment looking at the worried man in front of her. "How can you be so kind to me?" she asked when he lapsed into a smile and answered with a question.

"How could I NOT be kind to you?"

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Closing the door behind her, she stopped for a moment and started smiling. She knew she was even more in love with him if it was possible… Gosh, he was so sweet, but she had to concentrate on her health now.

His bathroom was comfortable and cozy, not too crowded but there was everything that was necessary. Fortunately the bathtub filled up quickly with hot water, while she took off her clothes and opened his shower gel. As she put some of it to the water she finally realized the secret of his scent. The secret of the scent she loved so much… It was his shower gel! She tried to find out what cologne he was using for years now, and she never thought the answer was so simple.

A few moments later she was in the hot water. Sinking into it, being wrapped with his scent was like, she barely dared to think of it, it was like… she had made love to him…

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

As she stepped out from the bathroom in one of his robes, Joseph had already made her tea.

"Is everything alright?" asked Joseph with a smile as he put her cup down on the workplace, which was actually the kitchen table.

"Yes… Yes, everything is fine." Clarisse smiled and sat down, taking the warm mug gladly. "Are you… Are you cooking?"

"Yes, just something simple. I can cook, but only a few dishes. It will be pasta with tomato, basil and olives. I know you like it."

"Look, you really don't have to cook for me. I'm not a real guest."

"No you are not." He answered, shocking her a little, then continued, "Because you can come here anytime you want." He finished with a warm smile which brought those friendly little butterflies to life in her stomach.

"Thanks." She smiled shyly and slipped a bit of her tea. "Anyway it smells good. It reminds me to that spaghetti we ate in Rome…"

"…at Fontaine de Trevie." Joseph finished her sentence with a smile, looking right in her eyes with that well known look what he reserved only for her… and she understood him.

"I know you would like to know why I am here…" she said all of a sudden, knowing he would not dare ask.

"I'm a bit afraid."

"Why?" Clarisse asked innocently. At the moment she really had no idea what was he afraid of, but it was so obvious.

"You might ask me…" His sad expression was killing her. "…to leave you forever."

"Oh my God no!" she cried. It was her turn to be shocked now. "No, I've never thought of…" She suddenly realized how stupid she must seem, so she continued in a calmer voice. "I… I just missed you," she said looking down for a moment, before she had enough courage to look him in the eye. She needed courage, because she suspected what she would find in his eyes, and she was right. His eyes were full of love. It was so obvious, so radiant that when he asked her to dance with him she accepted immediately. But not because she wanted to snuggle up to him - of course she wanted that, but her real reason was she could not stand to see the love in his eyes. It was too much for her, because she knew she would not be able to control herself for long.

As they started dancing slowly and softly, her head on his shoulder, she heard the music on the radio louder as a new song started…. "_love is everywhere I go… looking through you" _He drew her closer instinctively…_"love is everywhere I go…looking through you."_ She inhaled his scent… _"love is everywhere I go… looking through you."_ He nuzzled her hair…_"burning light inside my dreams. I wake up in the dark… the light is outside my door…love is everywhere I go… looking through you." _He kissed her neck… _"love is everywhere I go… looking through you."_ She snuggled up to him and whispered… 'I love you.' _"love is everywhere I go… looking through you… love is everywhere I go… looking through you."…_

The End


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